he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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