why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
