Whats the glycemic index on semen?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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