Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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