in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
