I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
