sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
The air was thick with penises
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
