i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
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My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
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At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
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