i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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