I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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