when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
