I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
