any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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