Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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