Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
