i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
