Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
