I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
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