Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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