Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
The dick lei will go down in squad history
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
