i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
