He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
