If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
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