I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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