I think I just saw someone hide a body.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
