my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
There are leaves in my underwear?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
