she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
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She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
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Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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