is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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