ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Someone shattered a urinal.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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