as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Blood and glitter go together right?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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