BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
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