I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
