so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
sex in a hospital.. check
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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