I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
