i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
