You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
