He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
