Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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