Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
