My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
