her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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