Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
