do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
