I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I want a musical about memes.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
