ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
