She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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