Porn is love you can see.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Randomize
