It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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