sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
