How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I can text with my tongue
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
