His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
