remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
