I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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