It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
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I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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