dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
