Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
