Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
