Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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