her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
