i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
