Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
