The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
