dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
