A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
