i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
