Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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