he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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