im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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