you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
