Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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