Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
being pregnant is like rehab
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
