Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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