can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
