we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
