Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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